Tag Archives: The Meaning of Life

Look Into Their Eyes & Wait Until You See Their Soul Leave

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We have been lied to via prose and celluloid . . . that when someone we love dies, you can see something alter in the depth of their eyes. A shadow is cast, or a light flickers out or a cloud hovers.

None of this is true.

When I stroked Horatio as he was passing, and I held his head in my hands, I didn’t even know he was gone. Although his eyes were still open and yet his body went limp, I had to ask the vet. “Is he gone already?”

I was looking directly into his eyes, but I didn’t see him leave.

And as I held Jack cradled in my arms I insisted that the vet let me continue to hold him as she sent him away. I sobbed as I knew he was going to be out of pain, but I would not know when this moment was to pass. I kept stroking him and telling him how much I loved him and would do so “. . . . for ever and ever”.

I loved him SO utterly.

My beautiful gorgeous old Boys. Neither time, was I able to see the moment that they left. And it hurts so absolutely. There is no flickering connection or last moment contact between souls. Death isn’t a journey – it’s just the end of life.

I know that my period is coming, so I am well aware that I am hormonal. Stiff shit to that! I know the anniversary of Horatio’s death less than a week away, but that’s not it either.

Last night at work, I was made aware of the fact that some ‘things’ have been said about me while I was not present. Petty, small minded talk that doesn’t actually upset – not the words or who they were spoken by.

But the emotion that flood me last night was disappointment. Disappointment in women my age or older who could behave as kinder people – but choose not to. So I was quieter and more removed, than I have been for many months. Someone thought I was unwell, and another thought I was stressed. Amanda asked me if I was feeling ok – perhaps I was catching a cold.

I quietly explained that I was grateful to rarely get a cold (although I am stricken with other shit – let’s be honest) as I don’t have children who need cuddles and loves, or a husband who breaths on me in his sleep – to pass on their illness/es. I was lucky to escape catching normal ‘bugs’ simply by exclusion. She pointed out that we work in a closed environment with air-conditioning for ventilation. As I walked back to my work space, I threw out the line “It’s not aircon that makes you sick. It’s love.”.

I didn’t realise how sad this truth was, until today.

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Instructions On How To Change The World: 3 Steps

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Press Play

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Look at this

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Make the disparity smaller . . . .

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Charity: Water

Girl Up

Kiva

Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy

Pencils Of Promise

Virgin Unite

World Vision: Child Sponsorship

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Because every child deserves to be raised
to be healthy, happy, safe and educated

with the hope of a long life. 

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Information Overwhelm in Today’s World

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Just a week ago, Pip from Meet Me At Mikes published a pretty full-on post: “How to beat information overwhelm and still care about the world“. It’s about how we have a tendency to click past or mute anything that is tragic or confronting. Earthquakes, genocide, terrorism, economic collapse – sometimes it IS all too much.

But is switching off the answer?

Pip talked about chemical reactions our bodies have when we get this feeling of overwhelm. She talked about our social conform driven by Social Media. She discussed our glazed eyes at the news.

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Pip

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BUT, she also discussed ways in which to deal with – a pretty big deal in my opinion. She didn’t ignore the reality of our lives and all the stimulus we are exposed to, instead she used it as a perfect example of how to attack this Overwhelm and how to still make amazing change in our communities and the world at large.

Although it is a hefty read (you need a good 10 minutes, uninterrupted!), it is genuinely worth it. It is insightful and intelligent and gives us all hope that we aren’t all sheep.

 

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Check out my comment at the end of the post, as I discuss how I deal with Overwhelm . . .

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For instance, this is not a normal occurrence in Oz.

Although in saying that, last year I did have a kangaroo stuck in my backyard and I don’t live in middle of suburbia, I certainly don’t live in the bush either. I live in a rapidly expanding and quite large town (officially a City, but come on!) in the South West of Australia and although we do have a mob of kangaroos living in a large paddock on the edge of town, I’d hardly say a kangaroo in the backyard is a normal thing.

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http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3052325/Meet-Dusty-kangaroo-sure-s-dog-hates-cats-Young-roo-eats-sleep-cuddles-family-s-puppies-adopted-road.html#v-3989905050001

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Why The Death Of A Dog I’ve Never Met, Broke Me

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You would be forgiven for believing that we have never lived in a more dangerous and deadly age.
Death penalty by firing squad.
Deadly earthquakes.
Extremists murdering school children.
Deadly riots in the ‘Land of the Free’.

However, the truth is the opposite.

We live in the safest ‘age’ since we evolved into being 200,000 years ago. Although this knowledge doesn’t really dampen the genuine sorrow following the tragedies we have seen in the past week. Carnage and death all over our blue planet. Mostly by our own hands.

However, it’s not any one of these tragedies, nor the combined sadness of them all that dropped me into a sea of sadness this evening.

It was the death of a dog that I have never met.

My online friend Mel, lost her beloved poodle just recently. And I sobbed as I read her words. I crumpled  in my chair and covered my face with my hands, and sobbed. I still feel utterly wretched at losing Horatio and Jack eleven months ago. Almost a year – I can’t quite believe that number.

Ginger having a nap after a bedtime story

Ginger having a nap after a bedtime story

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Despite all the human casualties that have passed in the near gone days, only the news of Ginger’s death was enough to make me succumb to misery. Dogs are such genuinely wonderful creatures whose hearts are larger than their earthly bodies. All they do is give.

But somehow I need to move past my sadness, so I will attempt to empower myself with the words that Mel shared about her departed pooch . . .

 . . . . ” all pets returning to their healthy state, trotting around with butterflies and birds”.

So my Beloved Jack & Horatio – please take Ginger under your wings and show him around. Show him where the sweetest water is, where the sunniest patch is and take him to your fluffy warm bed each night.

I know you’ll all be best buds.

I love you.
Thank you for loving me all those years.

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Nepal and A Window

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Do you every truly appreciate how lucky you are?
I mean REALLY appreciate?!?

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I look at the photos of Nepal and feel sick to my stomach.
The carnage caused my Mother Nature on a completely peaceful and generous peoples, makes me feel nauseous. I know that ‘Western’ lives were lost, but in truth I feel more for the villagers and farmers who have been decimated.

They can’t get on a plane and fly somewhere else.
Fly away.

If you, like me, would like to make the smallest of difference to the life of these people then I am begging you to please donate to Charity:Water NOW.  Charity:Water has been providing clean water to villages in Nepal since 2010. They are making a clear and positive difference to lives that deserve better.

They deserve our compassion and empathy.

Don’t just sit there feeling like shit and turning your eyes when the news feed pops up and shows you the devastation . . . . help fix it!

The donation screen automatically shows US$100, but I can’t afford that – I only have $5 to donate. But $5 from ten people is $50, and $5 from one hundred people is $500. Your money will make a difference no matter how small the contribution.

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Nepal Charity- Water

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Go change the world peeps!

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In other news, I have just ordered a new kitchen window from China.
Yep from Alibaba.com.

I have my lean and poor little fingers firmly crossed, that I am not just throwing away $515 (AUS).
Money that took me eight nights of hard yakka to earn.

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But here’s why I’m taking the risk . . . .

The window
* is constructed by a Chinese subsidiary of a German company
* complies with not only Australian Safety Standards but also EU standards
* is double glazed (holy sheeeet!)
* that has solid aluminium construction
* will be shipped to my capital city in just five weeks

I got a quote from a local supplier for a the same size window that was
* only single glazed
* was half the thickness in aluminium framing
* cost $1200 (yep – more than four times the cost)
* available in four weeks

Now you can see why I am taking the risk with my meagre funds.

And although I am a massive supporter of ‘Buy Local’, the truth is that my ‘local’ could be doing exactly what I’m doing – send the details to China and get it manufactured and shipped here.

They could open a dialogue with a company in China, build a strong relationship and then put 25%-50% on all orders. For none of the work, other than a few emails. They could still make a profit and remain open.

We have to start thinking globally when we want our businesses to survive.
We have to make the World Wide Web work for us.

Well, that’s my two bobs worth anyway 😉

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An Itchy Ear Canal + 22 Years

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An Itchy Ear Canal

Lots of people get hayfever.
It’s a buggar of a thing that is more debilitating than we like to give credit to.

I am not unique in suffering from it nor are my symptoms unusual in sufferers. However, some of the symptoms that manifest aren’t talked about very much in general public – you know like on the antihistamine ads on the telly – and I need to do something about that.

Now I do exhibit the normal list of identified complaints such as itchy eyes, tickled nose, sneezing, hives and irritated soft palate (roof of my mouth),
BUT,
I also suffer from less talked about maladies of the condition, that I am aware others suffer from. Some of them are absolute rippers, too!

The absolute worst of which is when my inner ear canal gets irritated and itchy. I swear it is an amazingly surreal situation to have an itch in a place you cannot scratch.

Not that I don’t give it a red hot ‘go’.

I have tried to gain some relief by poking around in my ear with a number of items, the least dangerous being my little finger and the least intelligent being a toothpick. But that’s not all . . . how about a letter opener, cotton buds, bobby pins and a wooden skewer!?! Are you starting to see how irritating it must be to have this particular hayfever malady?

To be honest with you though, I am utterly grateful to live in a country that supplies cheap and easy-to-access antihistamines and to live in a part of the country that isn’t a total dust bowl.

See!
There’s always a bright side 😉

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22 Years

How passionate are you? Is there some fire burning in you on a deep level about an issue that is really important to you. A social issue? A wrong that you need to right?

I do, although I don’t know anybody who is aware of it.
I want to permanently change the Foster Care system in Australia so that it is a world leader in the care and nurturing of children who are at risk.

If you ask me how I’m going to do this – I can’t tell you why.
‘Cause I just don’t know.

If you ask me how long it will take – I’m not going to be able to say.
‘Cause I have no idea.

Then I saw this story about an ‘Everyman’ in rural India – a dude called Dashrath Manjhi – who ploughed fields (by hand!!!) to make a living,
and,
he also spent twenty two years to cut a highway through a mountain.

Why?
To link his poor and isolated village with the more affluent and advanced village on the other side of the mountain.

How?
With a hammer and chisel!

No shit!

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And it makes me look at my hidden passion, and reaffirms that I need not place a timeline on my goal to make change. I can chip away at it. Moving one obstacle at a time, and I can be flexible as to how to attack the next stage of the process. I don’t have to look at the enormity of my task, I can simply look at making an impact in any way that I can.

Instead of seeing the mountain, I am going to see the highway.

 

Reader’s Digest Summary

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So much going on my day and in my brain. Blood testing for diabetes, sewing a wedding ensemble, lots of walks on the beach, learning to crochet. Fireworks at my part-time job, winning a competition, knocking down walls, organising my life.

All while I am trying to build my website – and by did I am getting sick of it.

Christ knows how anyone can be a software developer. It must be so bloody frustrating. I take one step forward and then five or six back.

Anyway.
That’s life isn’t it?!?

So I’m going to ‘suck it up’ and just keep trying.

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