Tag Archives: Just be Happy

Autumn Melancholy

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I am decidedly NOT a fan of Winter.
Never have been.
Never will be.
Living in a mostly-uninsulated fibro house on stilts doesn’t help the issue.
It gets bloody cold in my little purple house.

But, I am on a path to remedying that particular issue!

At this time of the year as the days are getting vastly shorter and the evening cool sets in at about 4pm, I start to get a little ‘melancholy’. I am aware of Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and other forms of the Winter Blues and recognise that with my history of Depression – I am susceptible. I know to keep an eye out for certain symptoms.

However, even armed with knowledge of what may come and experience of the past, I will be exposed to the unavoidable despair. That’s just how it is – I can’t avoid it.

So I am going to spend a little time in the coming days – this week in particular – to try to build a plan. A plan to deal with the cold and the short days and the sunless daylight and the rain and the wind and did I mention the cold? I really REALLY dislike being cold.

If you have any tips on how to better deal with the inevitable cool seasons, please, please let me know.

I am starting tonight, by moving my bed and tucking a blanket across the foot of the bed. Snuggly toes do make me feel a heck of a lot happier.

Next is going to be insulation in the new walls of my new kitchen – BOY! Is that a story you have to hear.

Overcoming Hopelessness: Nick Vujicic

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Although my life has been far from idyllic, it certainly hasn’t been the trial that so many others on this planet suffer through.

I am genuinely grateful for that. However, I do have, and have had for nearly thirty years, a mental illness that has robbed my of my ability to view my life and life in general, in a true and clear manner. My vision of the world has been tinted with scratches and murky dark clouds. Clouds that became physical burdens often.

But I never stopped trying to find a solution to this situation – to the reality of my life. I kept trying and trying to find peace and maybe a speckle of happiness. I look at other sources outside my mind to generate calm and discover different points of view. I’ve heard this described as bravery or courage. To not succumb to the darkness.

I don’t think that’s what it is.

Although I no longer wake, disappointed to still be alive  – the truth is I don’t really have any passion for life. I have been banished from my nephews’ lives, my mother only remembers me when she needs something and all but a couple of friends have found my journey through Depression to be exhausting to the point of abandonment. Losing Horatio, then Jack ten months ago was in a way, the final straw in my connectivity to this world.

While I have a deep awareness of ‘Why’, it doesn’t alleviate the sting of the reality.

So, without a purpose or person or reason to ‘live’ I just muddle forward. I am building a website from scratch in the belief that one day it will provide a substantial income. I try to learn something new every day. I am building a kitchen, from the floor up. I have started a long-since dead practice of taking “Afternoon Adventures“. I Create something EVERY day. I blog. I watch. I view. I read.

Although there is no ‘happiness’ in my life I can claim to be ‘happi-er‘. And this is a grand victory against previous hopeless moments.

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“Hey Now”

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God – there is this thing about beautiful music that just saturates my nerve endings and seeps into my marrow.

 

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Quite simply – I ADORE listening to music.

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I am always on the hunt for the kind of haunting music that makes me want to move. Even if it just to sway my arms.

But sometimes I have to jump.
Rage through the rooms in my little purple house.
I bounce and spin and kick.

I ADORE dancing to music.

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The ethereal melody of a song that stops time.

Stops you from leaving the car when you reach your destination so you can hear the song finish on the radio.
Stops you from getting out of your chair as the songs concludes on your pc.
Stops you from starting your day as a song runs through to the finish on the Sunday morning music video show.

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Music that catches your breath and then leaves your body in one gasping sigh as the last note fades.

I am so grateful that I live in a country where I am able and free to listen to music that I love.
No hindrance.
No law.
No censorship.

I am so grateful that I am allowed to immerse myself in whatever construction of notes & chords I choose.

So grateful.

Artists: London Grammar 

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The Things You Learn While Opening Boxes

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One of the most surprising aspects of my nighttime job filling shelves, is the things I see as I open and unload cartons and boxes of supermarket fodder. Every now and then I learn something and then sometimes I see a thing that makes me laugh out aloud.

Guffaw even!

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Only two or three people in the life-cycle of this carton, will see this message.

Only two or three people in the life-cycle of this carton, will see this message.

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I mean how would  you react if you open a box and saw this for the first time?
Wouldn’t you have a chuckle as well?!?

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Someone with a sense of humour designed this carton!

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One night I came across this ‘imaginative’ spelling. What’s weird about this sight, is that there is VERY little opportunity for someone to write on a carton once it leaves the central supermarket warehouse.

Where this blue script originated from, is anyone’s guess.

Pretty sure "Baroken" isn't a word!

Pretty sure “Baroken” isn’t a word!

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Then every now and then you come across an empty container that should in fact be full of (usually) food. Tins of soup, boxes of biscuits, bags of rice. There’s a sneaky stowaway from time to time.

Sealed and ready to sell - except it's completely empty!

Sealed and ready to sell – except it’s completely empty!

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But the biggest surprise I have received during my nightly chores, was the image of the identified rice quarantine area within New South Wales, Australia.

Say what???

Many packaging types have the Quarantine label

Many packaging types have the Quarantine label

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Have you even heard of this?

Have you even heard of this?

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I never expected an education while doing Nightfill.

So despite the dreary and repetitive nature of the job, I am grateful that I am given glimpses of humour and quirky surprises throughout each week. I know that it means that cutting open box may hold my next ‘wow’ moment.

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Enfant Eclat De Rire

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The store that I work in, doing nightfill at least four nights of the week, is in a very popular holiday destination. In fact, it is repeatedly the most prosperous store in the state.

So we don’t just see locals, but lots of holiday makers too – ‘blow ins’.

Being such a favourite holiday spot, especially for those from our Capital City, and being a beachside town, we have lots of families come to stay. And they spend quite a bit of time and money in the supermarket where I unpack boxes and fill the shelves.

For the whole of Summer, the store is open longer hours – so the holidayers can spend their money ass late as they like – which means we fill the shelves with customers in the store. Although this is annoying at times and definitely makes our job take longer, the truth is, that there is a wonderfully positive aspect to this intrusion.

The laughter of children.

Quite often there are tears and tantrums, but there is always laughter. And it is such a beautiful sound. One of my favourite sounds in the world.

And tonight, a child came tearing around the corner of one aisle running from the Father to the Mother who was picking up some milk. And the sound, the child’s laughter, was such a sweet melody. Tinkling and genuine – I saw the face of other adults in the store respond to the sound with joy. Such a beautiful sound – a child’s laugh.

And walking down my aisle at the time, was a couple with a baby in the Father’s arms. The baby could have been no more than four months old. As the other child’s laughter peeled through the store, I noticed that the Father of the baby lifted his precious bundle to his lips and gave him a gentle kiss and nose rub.

It was such a deed of protection and genuine love. An instantaneous action.

It made me smile.

While the News and the Internet report the repeated misery of our World, there at my work place were two signs of love and joy. I am carrying their presence with me now.

I am so grateful.