I hate it when people worry about me.
I feel so guilt ridden.
Such intense shame.
PLEASE don’t worry about me – I PROMISE I will never choose suicide over life.
I have promised the soul of a 9 year old boy
that I will not let suicide be his family legacy.
– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –
My insomnia is so heightened at the mo.
Can’t sleep at night,
and can’t get up in the mornings.
I started moving out of sheer fear.
A friend was coming to see me to say “Merry Christmas”,
and she was bringing her Mum.
Holy shit-burgers Batman.
I live in a hovel
and now someone’s Mum was going to see it!!!
Yep – this is suppose to be a place where you prepare food to eat.
Not so much?!?
Not a snowballs chance in hell.
So I spent a good three hours,
* emptying boxes
* chucking rubbish
* steam cleaning lino floors
* bagging up clothes for the Salvos
And it still looks like a shit-tip,
but the hallway is clean.
One of my Top Ten favourite dance songs,
it is SO relevant to my life with Depression . . .
Turn your speakers up LOUD
In the past my Insomnia has left me debilitated.
Night after night
I would struggle to get proper sleep
and would wake the next day simply exhausted.
I would then be drawn like a zombie to my bed,
only to repeat the pattern of insomnia that night.
And so on . . .
But lately I have been paying attention to my body
as a bi-product of the
“I Quit Sugar” program.
And I have made two
If I sit on my computer
* for any longer than 5 hours in a day
* in the two hours before I go to bed
I am GUARANTEED to have insomnia that night.
I have experimented this past week and a half.
And sure enough,
by cutting back my contact with The Screen
I have made some serious inroads with my inability to enter “The Land of Nod”.
this is not all.
Quite by accident, I discovered that
– ok, this next bit of info is WEIRD, but it is what it is –
if I sleep with a light pillow over my eyes and ears
– YES!, a pillow on my head! –
then I slept a deeper slumber, than a Beauty in mythology.
And for the record, I never claimed to be normal!