Tag Archives: I am NOT a Bitch!

We Are Not Wholly Bad Or Good

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Who live our lives under Milk Wood,
And Thou, I know, wilt be the first
To see our best side, not our worst.

Dylan Thomas

How much do you berate yourself for past indiscretions?
Not at all?
A little?
A lot?

 I have a great deal of trouble trying to reconcile myself with mistakes that I have made. For a long time, I have been the ‘scape goat’ in my family. I have always admitted to my mental health issues and often apologise for what I have done wrong, but

(and it’s a big BUT)

there are mistakes that I have NOT apologised for, and there are situations where the anguish felt by others had nothing to do with with me – even though I was perceived as the instigator/wrong-doer.

And the accumulated guilt from all those years of being held responsible, along with genuine mistakes that I have made eat away at my insides. I have absolutely no idea as to how to deal with this ‘guilt’.

No idea what-so-ever.

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2013-12-17-That-Thing

Source: HappyJar.com

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My Body Is Borrowed, My Mind Is Not

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I don’t know if I’m a fan of Beyonce.
My own prejudices and life-learned judgements impose themselves.
I’m not particularly proud of this.

But, I cannot deny her strength of character and her intelligence.

I was blown away by this mini-doco.
You will be too.

I hope.

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Feminism Is SUCH A Dirty Word

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FYI
If you can’t laugh at it,
you’re taking it wayyyyyyyy too seriously!
and that, my friends will not change anything.

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Source: 9Gag

I’ve noticed over the last couple of decades
that Feminism has become
less about equal rights for women
and more about fewer rights for men (by exclusion, etc).

Which on the whole,
is just crappy!

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Source: 9Gag

Now while I have a REALLY strong opinion about
how women have historically been treated
as economic bartering tools
or slaves
or spoils of war;
I don’t usually expose vehement opinion about how to fight this
long-held, male-dominated ‘situation’
here on Pialosophy.

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I just try to cajole or suggest or nudge
the idea
that women aren’t equal to men
BUT
we should receive equal respect and treatment (socially, politically, economically)
as men
in our society.

Our society, peeps.
The one we share and all in live in.

Ask yourself this two-part question:
a) when you see a young boy dominating ‘play’ (taking charge, telling others what to do)
how do you describe him?
b) when you see a young girl dominating ‘play’
how do you describe her?

Just check out this 45 second video . . .

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And this 1 minute video . . .

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Now consider this:
For about twenty years and a few million men and women,
this woman

Germaine Greer

Germaine Greer

has been the face of Feminism.

Now
– with no disrespect –
I just want to say that I have found a LOT
of Germaine’s current attitudes & arguments, distasteful.

I’ve looked for examples online
but can’t find a good example to make my point 😦

I would like someone other than G.G.
to be the face of Modern Feminism.
Someone like Sheryl Sandberg.

You see,
Sheryl believes that women should build women up,
not tear men down.
She believes that we should be empowering our children
boys and girls
to see leadership in a group for exactly what it is – taking the lead!

Her initiative “Lean In
started in 2010
has been growing and gaining strength.
She has started a dialogue amongst strong and creative and incredible women,
to challenge the long-held
and incorrect
belief of what Feminism is.

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We have SO many incredible versions of what a Feminist is.
Of women showing how to be strong and brave and true!

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Man! I get goosebumps each time I watch this video
(ok, technically it’s an advertisement)

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Source: 9Gag

I just wish, that we could just all agree that
no matter what your gender,
you deserve to be safe, educated, fed and housed.
no matter what colour, creed or religion.
and no matter where we live on
this blue planet.

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I Can’t Be The Person I Think I Am

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I have often been portrayed as a BITCH in life.
VERY often!

Others have seen and misinterpreted my behaviour or actions
as being
nasty
or
weird
or
narcissistic
or
strange
or
mean
or
selfish.

And how is my behaviour misread by others?

  • I have very little confidence in what I do in front of others – although I have a very solid mask that oozes confidence and self assurance
  • I falter at delivery – so in a social situation: an idea that seems perfect in my mind, comes out as a convivial bastardisation
  • I am passionate in my convictions – so when I share an opinion it seems overly aggressive or extreme in the context
  • I have spent half a lifetime, nurturing and caring for others – ahead of my own needs – and it is showing. I push people away. I won’t draw people to me. I am covered in prickles. I am in a lot of pain.

And what can I do about that?

I could disregard the opinion of others . . . .
“What other people think of me, is none of my business”

OR

I could look at what behaviours people seem to react negatively to,
and ‘work on’ them with therapy and reading and introspection.

OR

I could look at who I want to be,
and work towards that.

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1997 The year I began turning 'beige'

1997
The year I began turning ‘beige’

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So which path would you encourage me to follow?
To me,
number three is a winner.

But it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong 😀

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Hey Bitch !!!

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Last week I was in my local Mitre 10
– a hardware store for those not of Oz –
with two short people,
and the smaller of the two,
who is only 4 years old,
piped up with . . .

. . .  “You’re a Bitch”.

Funny thing –
it happened as we were leaving
right at the checkouts
which happened to have
a long queue
of people.

Oh Joy!
An audience !!!

Now,
the ‘old’ Pia
– the one who suffered from ALL encompassing *asthma* –
would have freaked out.

I would have puffed up my chest,
like a bull about to charge the matador,
deepened my voice,
and made some very serious threats.

:(

: (

But!!!

This time around,
I was so calm
that had I been watching
I would have been VERY afraid.

I made an audible gasp,
looked directly at the profaner
and said quietly,
“I am so disappointed in you”.

Holy mackerel!

Who knew that these words were so powerful?!?
Seriously.

I had the most contrite
and apologetic
short person
all afternoon.

Having learned a VERY powerful lesson that day,
I will be repeating
this form of behaviour management
in the future.

Now,
you have to be made aware,
that this particular short person
actually registers on the Autism Spectrum,
and although the
“Bitch”
comment could be seen as wilful and malicious,
was actually part of a coping mechanism
that is still to be guided and helped into a
more socially acceptable forum.

Patience peeps – a very precious commodity!

*asthma* = code for
clinical depression

Puppy or Bitch?

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You know when someone
says something really bitchy to you
and you have to have
a conversation in your head . . .

“. . . .  did she just
throw out a total bitch comment
or is she asking an innocent question
like a clueless puppy?”

At first you think
you’re the bitch
for thinking that their comment may be bitchy,
but then you realise they
totally WERE being a bitch!

Today I was in the chemist
getting a refill
for my antidepressants,
and one of the ladies behind the counter
– who has known me for nearly 10 years –
made a comment about my hair.

“I always have to look twice at you now Pia,
since you died your hair
from blonde to dark”

“So,
which one is your natural colour?”

BITCH !!!

Have you ever had a bitchy comment levelled at you,
and didn’t realise until later.

Tell me . . . make me feel a bit better 😉

Before

Before

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After

After

Dork At The End Of The Street

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I regularly do or say the wrong thing because I’m exhausted.

I might do or say the wrong thing,
as I was never shown the socially correct way of doing it.

I often do or say the wrong thing because that’s how I’ve seen others do it.

BUT
I can’t think of a situation where I have said or done the wrong thing in my adult life,
because I wanted to cause pain or injury.

Yet, I still manage to hurt people.

I am the Social Dork,
that everyone knows.

The person who makes you shake your head
when they say something inappropriate.

The person who makes you cringe
when they do something embarrassing.

The person who looks like they dress
in a room without lights or a mirror.

The person who makes a socially improper joke
that would make a hit man blush.

You know the person !!!

That’s me.

I’m sorry.
I do my best to fit in.

But . . .

. . . I’m a star-shaped peg,
trying to fit into a square hole.

I CAN’T fit.

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Yep - no makeup, dirty hair & mess in the background. That's me all over

Yep – no makeup, dirty hair & mess in the background.
That’s me all over

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