Tag Archives: Health

Buggar – My Black Dog Is Back :(

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On December 5th 2013, I was accused of physically assaulting two young children in my care. I was investigated by DCP (Dept of Child Protection Western Australia) and found to have no case to answer.

My employer deemed that I could have handled the situation more professionally,
a view that I now share.

My GP was concerned about my mental health and immediately referred me to a psychiatrist. He was an intelligent and empathic man about my age and prescribed additional medication for me. I was already consuming 300mg venlafaxine each day, and now it was necessary for me to add 30mg of mirtazapine.

I spent the majority of 2014 working so hard to get my life back on track. Seeking future income, trying to guard my heart against past & possible future hurts, building a business from the ashes of a failed one, trying again and again to conquer my addiction to sugar. And I also looked towards a way to wean myself from the need of at least one of my drugs.

And so for the last six months, the first half of 2015, I have gone from 30mg to 15 mg per day of my mirtazapine. Then 7.5 mg per day. Then every second day and now I am at every third day.

A month ago I also managed to kibosh sugar from my life. After two full years, I did it. I don’t crave coke or chocolate or ice-cream. I no longer need hot chocolate, cakes or biscuits. I’m not hungry all day and I only eat REAL food.

But . . . . .

despite all these incredible triumphs, my Depression is back.

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And I’m scared.

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Look Into Their Eyes & Wait Until You See Their Soul Leave

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We have been lied to via prose and celluloid . . . that when someone we love dies, you can see something alter in the depth of their eyes. A shadow is cast, or a light flickers out or a cloud hovers.

None of this is true.

When I stroked Horatio as he was passing, and I held his head in my hands, I didn’t even know he was gone. Although his eyes were still open and yet his body went limp, I had to ask the vet. “Is he gone already?”

I was looking directly into his eyes, but I didn’t see him leave.

And as I held Jack cradled in my arms I insisted that the vet let me continue to hold him as she sent him away. I sobbed as I knew he was going to be out of pain, but I would not know when this moment was to pass. I kept stroking him and telling him how much I loved him and would do so “. . . . for ever and ever”.

I loved him SO utterly.

My beautiful gorgeous old Boys. Neither time, was I able to see the moment that they left. And it hurts so absolutely. There is no flickering connection or last moment contact between souls. Death isn’t a journey – it’s just the end of life.

I know that my period is coming, so I am well aware that I am hormonal. Stiff shit to that! I know the anniversary of Horatio’s death less than a week away, but that’s not it either.

Last night at work, I was made aware of the fact that some ‘things’ have been said about me while I was not present. Petty, small minded talk that doesn’t actually upset – not the words or who they were spoken by.

But the emotion that flood me last night was disappointment. Disappointment in women my age or older who could behave as kinder people – but choose not to. So I was quieter and more removed, than I have been for many months. Someone thought I was unwell, and another thought I was stressed. Amanda asked me if I was feeling ok – perhaps I was catching a cold.

I quietly explained that I was grateful to rarely get a cold (although I am stricken with other shit – let’s be honest) as I don’t have children who need cuddles and loves, or a husband who breaths on me in his sleep – to pass on their illness/es. I was lucky to escape catching normal ‘bugs’ simply by exclusion. She pointed out that we work in a closed environment with air-conditioning for ventilation. As I walked back to my work space, I threw out the line “It’s not aircon that makes you sick. It’s love.”.

I didn’t realise how sad this truth was, until today.

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Fuck! Did I Get A Hemmorhoid From An Orgasm?

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When I discovered that most women develop hemorrhoids because of childbirth, it absolutely confirmed my decision to never have children – as if my own childhood wasn’t enough of a reason (which it was!).

So at forty five, I thought I was unlikely to feel the pain and discomfort of them for at least another few decades. Wrong!

How do I know what a hemorrhoids is or looks like? Well lucky ol’ me got to see some pretty big ones on the derriere of an ex-boyfriend. I had to ‘treat’ them for him as he was physically unable to treat them. Told you I was lucky.

So tonight, as I was hoiking tens of kilos of dog food and washing powder off trolleys and onto shelves, I felt a very uncomfortable niggle in my nether regions. After a few hours of consideration as to what was causing the discomfort, I realised the all-to-embarrassing fact . . . I had grapes growing out me bum!

This of course led to another few hours of deliberation as to how the actually fuck I got them, as I can tell you (even though you may not want to know) that I do NOT strain when I am on the lavatory. Either it comes out or it stays in. I’m not putting any pressure on the situation.

After some serious deliberation as to what made the dastardly bubbles appear, I realised that the only pressure I had put my body under – in the general vicinity if you get my meaning – was a normal session of self-pleasure that I had immersed myself in last night.

For those of you who don’t get it – I masturbated last night.

Now this is a VERY normal thing for both boys and girls to do, although I only learned this reality as an adult. I personally don’t get the whole taboo surrounding it, and I’m certainly not going to go without a good orgasm now and then just because I don’t have actual sex.

So my question is – is this going to happen again?!?
OR, more to the point . .
How do I avoid this happening again???

 

An Itchy Ear Canal + 22 Years

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An Itchy Ear Canal

Lots of people get hayfever.
It’s a buggar of a thing that is more debilitating than we like to give credit to.

I am not unique in suffering from it nor are my symptoms unusual in sufferers. However, some of the symptoms that manifest aren’t talked about very much in general public – you know like on the antihistamine ads on the telly – and I need to do something about that.

Now I do exhibit the normal list of identified complaints such as itchy eyes, tickled nose, sneezing, hives and irritated soft palate (roof of my mouth),
BUT,
I also suffer from less talked about maladies of the condition, that I am aware others suffer from. Some of them are absolute rippers, too!

The absolute worst of which is when my inner ear canal gets irritated and itchy. I swear it is an amazingly surreal situation to have an itch in a place you cannot scratch.

Not that I don’t give it a red hot ‘go’.

I have tried to gain some relief by poking around in my ear with a number of items, the least dangerous being my little finger and the least intelligent being a toothpick. But that’s not all . . . how about a letter opener, cotton buds, bobby pins and a wooden skewer!?! Are you starting to see how irritating it must be to have this particular hayfever malady?

To be honest with you though, I am utterly grateful to live in a country that supplies cheap and easy-to-access antihistamines and to live in a part of the country that isn’t a total dust bowl.

See!
There’s always a bright side 😉

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22 Years

How passionate are you? Is there some fire burning in you on a deep level about an issue that is really important to you. A social issue? A wrong that you need to right?

I do, although I don’t know anybody who is aware of it.
I want to permanently change the Foster Care system in Australia so that it is a world leader in the care and nurturing of children who are at risk.

If you ask me how I’m going to do this – I can’t tell you why.
‘Cause I just don’t know.

If you ask me how long it will take – I’m not going to be able to say.
‘Cause I have no idea.

Then I saw this story about an ‘Everyman’ in rural India – a dude called Dashrath Manjhi – who ploughed fields (by hand!!!) to make a living,
and,
he also spent twenty two years to cut a highway through a mountain.

Why?
To link his poor and isolated village with the more affluent and advanced village on the other side of the mountain.

How?
With a hammer and chisel!

No shit!

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And it makes me look at my hidden passion, and reaffirms that I need not place a timeline on my goal to make change. I can chip away at it. Moving one obstacle at a time, and I can be flexible as to how to attack the next stage of the process. I don’t have to look at the enormity of my task, I can simply look at making an impact in any way that I can.

Instead of seeing the mountain, I am going to see the highway.

 

Something Truly and Utterly Revolting

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If you don’t like the sight or even thought of the ejection of matter from the human body,
then
I keenly suggest to you that you do NOT read further.

You have been warned!

Would you like to know something gross?
I mean, really quite disgusting?

I have a Staph infection.
Staphylococcus.

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What to know something EVEN more disgusting?
It’s festering in two locations on my body.

 A boil (omg – a boil!) on my left thigh,
and
in my right sinus.

And still, I am not at the most unpleasant part of my tale.

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I have had it over four years !!!
Yep – I have been a bacterial breeding human petri dish, for over four years.

Over those fifty-odd months, I have been blowing out a disturbing charcoal coloured grit from my nose. Specifically, my right nostril. And when I say ‘blow’ I actually mean ‘trumpet’. After three decades of suffering from bad sinus infections, I have developed a rather impressive talent for blowing so hard that I have even popped out a piece of a polyp on one occasion.

Dazzled by this information?!?

Oh please wait . . . . . as I have a deliciously distasteful piece of physical proof of my nose-blowing abilities and my staph infection.

Are you ready?

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Perhaps you should take a seat. Or even, cover your eyes with your hand and then just peak through your fingers. Maybe even do a quick glance at the screen and then look away again.

So here it comes . . . .

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Just a few examples of my Staph infection particles as ejected by some rather energetic blowing

Just a few examples of my Staph infection particles as ejected by some rather energetic blowing

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So, in conclusion, let me just say that I look forward to the day when I do not blow my nose with gusto and quite deliberate force to expunge the gross sandy little bacterial particles from inside my poor face.

Maybe the unexplained headaches will also dissipate.

Goodness, wouldn’t that be a wonderful bi-product?!?

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Reader’s Digest Summary

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So much going on my day and in my brain. Blood testing for diabetes, sewing a wedding ensemble, lots of walks on the beach, learning to crochet. Fireworks at my part-time job, winning a competition, knocking down walls, organising my life.

All while I am trying to build my website – and by did I am getting sick of it.

Christ knows how anyone can be a software developer. It must be so bloody frustrating. I take one step forward and then five or six back.

Anyway.
That’s life isn’t it?!?

So I’m going to ‘suck it up’ and just keep trying.

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