Tag Archives: Bliss

What’s Your Most Public Wrong?

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Not so long ago, when I was battling with a severe turn in my war with Clinical Depression, I wrote a post about how noone in the world is so important that they make a difference. A difference of any measure or proportion.

And if you read it,
I’m sure you wanted to tell me just how wrong I was.

But it wasn’t ME that was speaking – it was the Black Dog.
The ugly voice that seeps into my skull and winds it way through every tendril and synapse of my brain.

My Clinical Depression is a beast that has made me question the validity and purpose of Homo sapien sapien on our beautiful Blue Planet.
Our net worth.
We seem to cause so much more destruction than we do innovation, and humanity itself vipers back onto itself repeatedly to cause such misery.

In truth, it is Mankind’s (& I use this gender specific term deliberately)
that I have a problem with.

In 2014 I faced the most basal knowledge of humanity and the ultimate purpose of us being in existence. I desperately sought some minuscule grain of hope that would give me a more wondrous outlook on the future of us all.
Even the tiniest glimmer of better things ahead.

And what did I discover?

That the Hope that I desperately seek, is not in grandiose or mammoth achievement or pursuits . . . . .
. . . it is in the tiny things that we do in our every lives that make Life sing with Purpose.

The kindness, compassion and honesty that are the keystones of a “Good Person” are what create a beautiful community and a world worth living in.

It is the granny who collects rubbish in the park as she goes on her evening walk.
It is the rock star who speaks to an autistic fan with true ‘is-ness’.
It is the homeless man who adopts and cares for a stray dog.
It is the nun who uses church funds to open a home for poor & the ill.
It is the mother who who goes without new clothes for five years, so that her children can attend a better school.
It is the Wealthy man who shares all his knowledge rather than hordes it.
It is the broken & alone woman who allows her ‘best friend’ to attack her verbally, because she know that her BF is in pain and just needs to yell.

It is actually the undocumented ‘goods’ that happen every day in every corner of our world, that make Humanity and our existence real.
And it is these ‘goods’ that make life worth living and each new day worth looking forward to.

Clinical Depression steals the view we have of this possibility.

It clouds what is really in front of us and instead throws up a murky curtain, a vision, of our greatest dread. A completely false vision.
Without my medication I would not be able to push that illegitimate vision aside and see the truth.

In fact – I wouldn’t even be here.

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Insomnia

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One of my Top Ten favourite dance songs,
and
it is SO relevant to my life with Depression . . .

Turn your speakers up LOUD 

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In the past my Insomnia has left me debilitated.
Night after night
I would struggle to get proper sleep
and would wake the next day simply exhausted.

I would then be drawn like a zombie to my bed,
mid afternoon
only to repeat the pattern of insomnia that night.

And so on . . .

Arghhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!

But lately I have been paying attention to my body
as a bi-product of the
“I Quit Sugar” program.

And I have made two
EXTREMELY
important discoveries.

If I sit on my computer
* for any longer than 5 hours in a day
OR
* in the two hours before I go to bed
I am GUARANTEED to have insomnia that night.

GUARANTEED, people!

So,
I have experimented this past week and a half.
And sure enough,
by cutting back my contact with The Screen
I have made some serious inroads with my inability to enter “The Land of Nod”.

HOWEVER,
this is not all.

Quite by accident, I discovered that
– ok, this next bit of info is WEIRD, but it is what it is –
if I sleep with a light pillow over my eyes and ears
– YES!, a pillow on my head! –
then I slept a deeper slumber, than a Beauty in mythology.

Seriously!

And for the record, I never claimed to be normal!

Grin!

Grin!

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I Always Meant To

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One of the outcomes that I wanted from this blog,
was to verbalize and record all the positive little elements that pop into my daily life.

Clouds.
Dogs.
Music.
Children.

But I seem to have missed the memo!

In truth I get put off because uploading photos is the biggest bitch of publishing my posts.
It takes FOREVER.

I am using this as the reasoning as to why I have failed to write about my chirpy snippets.

So today – I change that.

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On my afternoon travels on the Autistic Bus, I usually bring some extra food for my charges.

MrL would eat 24/7 if he could,
and I’m not sure MissB wouldn’t do the same.

Most often I pack a 1/2 kilo of small carrots.
It means I can nibble on something non-fattening too.
(boring)

In the last couple of weeks, my little bag of carrots has also been feeding the non-autistic kids.
Even some of the Yr 8’s have asked for one.

I started carrying two bags.

Then last week, one of the Yr 8 girls brought on board a bag of carrots.
On the sly, she handed them out to all the other Yr 8’s on the bus,
then in chorused sang out “Pia”.

This is what I saw when I turned around . . .

Absolutely Classic!!!

I laughed for 20 minutes!

If I said . .

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. . . “He has poor reflexes and isn’t very bright”,

Would that be judgemental or just an observation?

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Days 1 – 9 of my . . . 31 Days of July

Day 1 . . . No: 4 – Prune the feral rose bush with my chainsaw. Done & Done! Photo to come tomorrow!

Day 2 . . . No: 21 – Set up my treadmill – I never said I had to use it, just set it up (rotflmfao)

Day 3 . . . No: 17 – Set up a faux fireplace – I love this so much. Wish I had done it before.

Day 4 . . . No: 25 – Set up a new craft desk for myself. Man am I loving this.

Day 5 . . . No: 22 – Move the tv – doesn’t that look better?!?

Day 6 . . . No: 13 – Go for a walk

Day 7 . . . No: 9 – Send a postcard to my three nephews

Day 8 . . . No: 3 – Set up a direct deposit for a Rainy Day

Day 9 . . . No: 24 – I sat! I read! I didn’t move! And I did it for more than 75 minutes. Yeah baby! Not difficult when I get my new copy of Home Beautiful 😉

So there you go peeps. I have not uploaded photos, otherwise you’ll still be waiting for this post. I will upload them tomorrow when I do Day No: 10.

See you then.

Laters!

In the time it took . . .

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. . . . to load this new post draft page up onto my pooter,

this is how much I consumed of the subject of the post.

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I don’t smoke. I don’t do drugs (of the illicit kind) and I barely drink anymore.
But I HAVE to have a vice!

Hellllooooooo chocolate frappe.
And this isn’t the $5 ripoff (mostly ice – if you don’t mind) version from the hamburger chain
or
the $7 yummy (but currently unaffordable) version from the cafe chain – no!

This is the make-it-at-home and save $$$, version.

Here are the ingredients, that totalled $17.15.

Frappe Ingredients

Combined they will make a minimum of 8 frappes,
although I will have to replace the milk once
and the chocolate syrup will last at least 100 frappes.

Want to see the finished product?

Say it with me now – yummmmmm

And a closeup of the syrupy goodness?

Man, that looks good

So, in case you need it, here is the recipe to one of my bestest coping methods for depression.

  1. Whipping/mixing container (I used a tupperware model)
  2. Two dollops of chocolate icecream (I usually use Connoisseur Belgium Chocolate)
  3. Two tablespoons of chocolate powder (I only use Alpen Drinking chocolate)
  4. Good dash of low calory milk (might as well pretend it’s healthy)
  5. Shake really well
  6. Add more milk to top up the container
  7. Shake again
  8. Remove lid and chuck in the sink
  9. Zoosh on some canned whipping cream (at least 2 inches)
  10. Top with chocolate syrup (I went all-out and bought Hersheys, and it wasn’t a bad idea!)

I’ll leave you with some photos of one of my muttleys,
doing some “Quality Control” on the products during the photo shoot

Wasn’t that good of him?!?