Fuck! Did I Get A Hemmorhoid From An Orgasm?

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When I discovered that most women develop hemorrhoids because of childbirth, it absolutely confirmed my decision to never have children – as if my own childhood wasn’t enough of a reason (which it was!).

So at forty five, I thought I was unlikely to feel the pain and discomfort of them for at least another few decades. Wrong!

How do I know what a hemorrhoids is or looks like? Well lucky ol’ me got to see some pretty big ones on the derriere of an ex-boyfriend. I had to ‘treat’ them for him as he was physically unable to treat them. Told you I was lucky.

So tonight, as I was hoiking tens of kilos of dog food and washing powder off trolleys and onto shelves, I felt a very uncomfortable niggle in my nether regions. After a few hours of consideration as to what was causing the discomfort, I realised the all-to-embarrassing fact . . . I had grapes growing out me bum!

This of course led to another few hours of deliberation as to how the actually fuck I got them, as I can tell you (even though you may not want to know) that I do NOT strain when I am on the lavatory. Either it comes out or it stays in. I’m not putting any pressure on the situation.

After some serious deliberation as to what made the dastardly bubbles appear, I realised that the only pressure I had put my body under – in the general vicinity if you get my meaning – was a normal session of self-pleasure that I had immersed myself in last night.

For those of you who don’t get it – I masturbated last night.

Now this is a VERY normal thing for both boys and girls to do, although I only learned this reality as an adult. I personally don’t get the whole taboo surrounding it, and I’m certainly not going to go without a good orgasm now and then just because I don’t have actual sex.

So my question is – is this going to happen again?!?
OR, more to the point . .
How do I avoid this happening again???

 

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