There is a key element of Clinical Depression that those who have never truly experienced it, will never be able to understand.
* * * * * * We don’t care anymore * * * * * *
We have lost all ability to be tied to this ‘life; with all it’s injustices, beauty, struggles, awe, pain, wonder & heartbreak. We eventually get to a point where we come to truly ‘see’ the world for what it is. We see how intricate and yet insignificant human life is compared to the whole cosmos. We see how incredibly beautiful Mother Nature is and yet how finite her existence really is.
Those of use with long-term Clinical Depression struggle for years and then decades with the knowledge that we have obtained; having survived existential crises & eventual understanding of the issue of Globalisation and those who really hold the power in this world & enduring day-to-day despite the saturating pessimism from mainstream media.
We come to a point where Death is not only no longer feared but is also anticipated with some favour. Because we see it as a sweet release from all that we now understand and feel. Life is not seen as a gift or precious – it is seen in it’s unembellished true self . . . .
Life does not have meaning.
We are not here for a purpose.
None of us is more or less important than any person currently alive, dead or yet to be born.
There is no evidence that any of us will have a lasting impression on the Universe.
And when you survive Clinical Depression – as I have for twenty nine years – you understand that life is meant to be lived. That is our only purpose!
And if we cannot live – with it’s inherent gifts of joy, love, hope and happiness – then we should stop living.
It is no more convoluted or simple than that.
I understand why someone, known most passionately for making people laugh his whole life, would want to be dead. For him you see, life had already ended.