I’m a massive fan crime and murder mystery novels.
I love the twists and turns, the surprises and the scares.
It’s all so good!
And a line from a number of these books,
that came to me today was . .
“If you ever have to dig a grave, dig two.
Because digging a 6″ grave will kill you.”
I had to dig a grave.
For my old man Horatio.
I had tenderly rested him in an old cheese box
Wrapped in one of his blankets,
his head gently tugged down
and his little paws bent.
He looked snug and peaceful.
I left him on the floor,
at the foot of my bed,
As if he was just sleeping.
He was still slightly warm when
went to bed.
He was cold when I woke up this morning.
And I knew,
that I had to face my reality.
The reality that after nine years,
I now only had two dogs in my house.
One of my beautiful Boys was gone.
God, this is so painful to write.
Digging his grave was awful.
And I knew,
from all my mystery novels,
that I had to dig a hole FAR bigger than what I thought I would need.
And so I dug a big and deep hole.
And I placed Horatio’s little box in it.
Then I laid some roses,
and a wooden heart
on top of his box.
I couldn’t stand the thought of sand touching his little body,
even through the blanket,
so I placed pine branches over the top of his make-shift coffin.
Shovelling the dirt back into the hole,
I watched as the sand
filtered down through the gaps in the pine needles
and filled the gaps of air.
I kissed him before I covered him.
He was cold and stiff,
but he was still my beautiful Boy.
He drove me mad on so many occasions
in the last fifteen and a half years.
He barked a lot.
Lately he’d even taken to defecating inside.
But I still loved him.
So very much.
And I don’t give a flying fuck,
that to most people,
crying over the euthanasia of an old dog,
is just purely sad.
I LOVED him.
He and Jack, and to a slightly lesser degree Max,
are the only beings on this hole Earth who have not hurt me deeply.
they LOVED me.
They really loved me.
And I loved them back.
I loved them so much that it hurt.
It hurts now.
God it hurts.
Horatio my little Emperor of the World.
I miss you so much.
I love you Old Man.
I love you.
Forever and F-O-R-E-V-E-R.