I Can’t Be The Person I Think I Am

Standard

.

I have often been portrayed as a BITCH in life.
VERY often!

Others have seen and misinterpreted my behaviour or actions
as being
nasty
or
weird
or
narcissistic
or
strange
or
mean
or
selfish.

And how is my behaviour misread by others?

  • I have very little confidence in what I do in front of others – although I have a very solid mask that oozes confidence and self assurance
  • I falter at delivery – so in a social situation: an idea that seems perfect in my mind, comes out as a convivial bastardisation
  • I am passionate in my convictions – so when I share an opinion it seems overly aggressive or extreme in the context
  • I have spent half a lifetime, nurturing and caring for others – ahead of my own needs – and it is showing. I push people away. I won’t draw people to me. I am covered in prickles. I am in a lot of pain.

And what can I do about that?

I could disregard the opinion of others . . . .
“What other people think of me, is none of my business”

OR

I could look at what behaviours people seem to react negatively to,
and ‘work on’ them with therapy and reading and introspection.

OR

I could look at who I want to be,
and work towards that.

.

1997 The year I began turning 'beige'

1997
The year I began turning ‘beige’

.

So which path would you encourage me to follow?
To me,
number three is a winner.

But it wouldn’t be the first time I was wrong 😀

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Advertisements

5 responses »

    • I wish I knew who this is!
      It’s just such a massive hole in my life.
      .
      I’m just trying to discover the truth about ‘me’.
      .
      Thanks for your support.
      xxx

  1. It is so hard to pretend we all have the magic recipe but accepting that life will always have negative times and really focusing on what you do enjoy and taking time to indulge just that, not worrying about anything else has to be the start..
    I love that you have made promises and I love that you talk about it. Be strong Pia x

    • Thank you Tessa.
      I’ve found my depression to be oppressive lately, as I have had to face some extremely awful truths about my family.
      It’s hard to admit that the three people you’ve known the longest in life, are also the most damaging!
      Thank you for your kind and supportive words.

      Pia

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s