Incredible White Hulk

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When I grew up, although it was tough at times,
I couldn’t see any other attitude to live by,
than “happiness”.

My Mum would regularly be complimented on us four children,
and in particular
my cheery disposition would be commented on.

And now?

Now, when I try to think of how to communicate just how I feel,
– remembering that Depression is not an emotion –
the strongest emotion that I have,
is ANGER.

And the strongest visual I can give you
to demonstrate this anger
is the Incredible Hulk.

Hulk

This is what I look like on the inside !

.

And I am angry!

Angry to the point of rage.

I am angry at
injustice, at bigotry,
sexism, liars,
cheating politicians,
dictators, corrupt police,
unethical banks, human trafficking,
paedophilia, rape, child abuse,
bullying, greedy wealth,
. . . . and so much more.

I know a lot of people in the world,
other than me,
get angry about these matters,
but I am filled with a rage
that is disproportionate to the affect that I can have on them.

I can’t CHANGE these things!

I read all the words and posters and images
on the interweb, and in books and everywhere,
that tell me to
“be yourself – everyone else is taken”.

But sometimes I don’t want to be me.
I don’t want to be angry at all the injustice I see
EVERY day.

And I can’t be blind to it.
I can’t be ‘at peace’ with it.

What am I suppose to do?

.

.

.

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3 responses »

  1. Pia you do what you can, things like buying fair trade chocolate (seriously did you know they use child slave labour for our cocoa most companies have switched to fair trade even if it isnt on the label), I remember telling everyone who would listen about it and I know chocolate sales fell at least in my town for a while. You remember that every bit of good you do in the world is doing something. No we can not save the world but we can make our world the best it can be and help to give voice to those things that stay hidden and in darkness because when enough people shine a light on them then more people join in and eventually less and less of these things are allowed to happen.

    There isnt an easy answer, my advice would be to go on a news and such black out and stop watching and listening and reading things that feed that for a while.

    You know Anger isnt always bad, some anger can spur action, some is cleansing, some is toxic you need to know what yours is.

    Lots of Hugs

    • Thanks Amanda.

      I already do a lot of things to try to make the ‘small changes’, but lately that just hasn’t been enough 😦

      I stopped purchasing chocolate for over 12 months ( a few years ago) when I discovered what workers were being paid for harvesting chocolate (most of them didn’t even know what it was being used to produce, let alone it’s value)
      plus
      I do all the other things that middle class white people do – that we are often accused of doing simply to ease our consciences – like
      * sponsor through World Vision
      * donate once a month/quarter to MS Society, my state children’s hospital, juvenile diabetes, breast cancer & RSPCA
      * practice RAK’s
      * volunteer on numerous community groups
      * joined the Official Organ Donor Register of Australia
      * donated my body, via my will, to medical research

      I hear everything you say, but I just feel so angry at the repeated lack of humanity in the world in which I live.

  2. Pia,

    have you heard of the Mindfulness way through depression? It may help.

    I totally understand what your saying. But you do so much more than most people.

    the thing is the Media bombards us with images and info of the bad stuff we so rarely get the good news unless its a fluff piece.

    Maybe you need to actually focus on you for a bit. It sounds a bit like your close to burning out 😦

    lots of squishy hugs please let me know if you need to talk. I am a good listener and not judgemental. I wish I had the right words to help.

    Hugs

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