It’s funny how you can be holding on to something one minute, certain that it is safe,
and the next minute you drop it and no matter how hard you look – it’s just disappeared.
Like a golfball in the rough,
a sewing needle on the carpet
your self worth in an abusive relationship.
Last night I watched an episode of the beautiful and poignant
“Call the Midwife”.
One of the story lines involved a young mum
caught in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship.
Towards the end of the program
he forces her to do something that is despicable and disgusting . . . .
. . . . and I totally understand why she didn’t
for two and half years, I was in an abusive relationship.
It was mental/emotional abuse.
I was never physically assaulted.
Which in a way was worse as he
nor anyone else
could see or believe that I was being abused.
It took me a full FIVE years to recover after I had left him.
Five years of therapy, medication, depression, isolation, loneliness and alienation.
But Peeps, I’m here to tell you,
it was worth every fucking solitary and depressing moment.
When I look back at how ‘beige’ I had been forced to become and all the things I have achieved, suffered, endured and enjoyed since making the decision to leave . . . .
. . . . well, let’s just say that I am grateful.
I was brave enough to be alone.
Brave enough to be lonely.
Brave enough to be wrong.
Brave enough to be poor.
I’m not “there” yet – but I get closer every day.
Every single day.
Would you be brave enough?
I bet you would!