Be Brave Enough to Be Alone

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It’s funny how you can be holding on to something one minute, certain that it is safe,
and the next minute you drop it and no matter how hard you look – it’s just disappeared.

Like a golfball in the rough,

or

a sewing needle on the carpet

or

your self worth in an abusive relationship.

.

Last night I watched an episode of the beautiful and poignant
“Call the Midwife”.

http://www.abc.net.au/iview/#/view/32298

One of the story lines involved a young mum
caught in an emotionally and physically abusive relationship.

Towards the end of the program
he forces her to do something that is despicable and disgusting . . . .

. . . . and I totally understand why she didn’t
disagree
or
argue
or
RUN!!!

You see,
for two and half years, I was in an abusive relationship.
It was mental/emotional abuse.
I was never physically assaulted.

Which in a way was worse as he
nor anyone else
could see or believe that I was being abused.

It took me a full FIVE years to recover after I had left him.

Five years of therapy, medication, depression, isolation, loneliness and alienation.

But Peeps, I’m here to tell you,
it was worth every fucking solitary and depressing moment.

When I look back at how ‘beige’ I had been forced to become and all the things I have achieved, suffered, endured and enjoyed since making the decision to leave . . . .

. . . . well, let’s just say that I am grateful.
Ecstatically grateful.

I was brave enough to be alone.
Brave enough to be lonely.
Brave enough to be wrong.
Brave enough to be poor.

And now?

I’m not “there” yet – but I get closer every day.
Every single day.

.

Would you be brave enough?
I bet you would!

.

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One response »

  1. Emotional Abuse is so much harder because often people around you tell you your being silly or you think maybe your overeacting or that after a time you obviously deserve what your getting, It takes such a long time to recover from but remember how amazing you are. So glad to see you blogging again. Be proud because I am sure this blog will help others. Lots of squishy hugs

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