I have long known that the reason I have few friends, is because I push people away.
In fact, until only recently I had many friends.
Over the past decade I have increasingly become embarrassed about who I am and where I have ended up (in life).
I feel I have nothing to show for my time on this Earth.
I haven’t achieved any worthwhile goals.
I have no children or family.
I haven’t accumulated any wealth.
I have not made any positive change to anything important.
I am not desirable enough (inside & out) to attract a man.
I have no discernable talents.
I am not a leader.
I am not a very good follower.
I allow myself to be used – over and over again!
I am too intelligent to be a part of the crowd, but am in no way intelligent enough to impress individuals I respect.
I know this just sounds like a pathetic “Pity Party”,
but I’m not really depressed ATM.
I’m simply acknowledging a truth.
One of the saddest elements of my observation about my friend-less state,
is that I recognised over 25 years ago that my Mum lived like this.
And how hard have I worked and studies and endeavoured NOT to repeat her mistakes?
Harder than I can bring myself to utter.
All that work
and I still end up
replicating the past.
Now THAT is depressing!