Three times in my lifetime
I have had a particular nightmare
that even upon wakening,
I was still paralysed with fear.
I can’t remember how old I was the first time,
but I was 13 the second time
and in my 20’s the third time.
It involves being in a huge room with a small pink elephant.
I am sitting in the room which gradually loses light,
and although it never becomes dark
the room definitely feels
less filled with light.
And then the pink elephant,
which initially is cute and small and comforting
starts to expand.
Not grow – expand!
There’s definitely a difference.
The elephant continues to expand.
It becomes half my size
then becomes as big as me.
And still it expands.
As it grows
I am filled with a tangible feeling
that the room is now shrinking.
I also, appear to be growing as well as the elephant.
So the elephant continues to expand,
the room is now shrinking
and I have no escape.
And that is exactly where I find myself now.
In real life!
Of the three times that I recall having the nightmare,
each time I awoke AFTER the elephant had completely taken over
the entire expanse of the room.
I was squashed against it,
unable to breath.
I have an overall sense of doom.
I have lost my capacity to escape.
Noone is coming to rescue me.
There is malice in the elephant.
It’s suffocation of me is not personal.
It just ‘is’!
And I awake
unable to breathe.