I was told eight days ago, that a number of teenage children knew of the existence of my blog and READ IT!
I totally panicked.
Had I written anything that condoned self loathing?
Had I encouraged any negative ‘self’ behaviours?
Had I made depression sound like a condition that was unbearable?
Was my blog uplifting or soul destroying?
Was my blog instilling hope and positive choices?
Would they get a sense of passion for living?
I clammed up.
Closed my mind tighter than I had since before starting this treasured place.
Just when I needed to talk!
NEEDED. To. Talk.
I could not afford to describe the black pit I was thrown into eight days ago.
I could not be honest about the treacherous thoughts I had seven and six days ago.
I could not say how much pain I was in.
Because I was told,
that teenage children who I cared for were definitely reading my words here at “pialosophy”.
And now I suspect I was lied to.
And so . . .
. . . the true purpose of this blog
– for me to be honest with myself and be able to let my soul speak –
had been stolen from me.
I am now too frightened to be honest, to let out the demons that need to be expunged,
as I am scared that those I cherish will be negatively affected.
That sucks, man!
I strongly dislike liars.