Got a Map?

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I sometimes feel,
that when I am in the midst of assessing and dealing with my depression,
that I am a soul lost and looking for a map.

A specific item that will help me navigate out of the darkness that I am ensconced in.

Am I the only one?

It’s not just the random feeling of being bewildered and disoriented,
it’s actually the need to GET somewhere.
Somewhere you are meant to be,
but can’t locate.

And I suspect that this map comes at a painful cost.
And it’s not reality.

I believe that one of the ultimate challenges for those who suffer from depression, is knowing that to become well you must face agonizing truths and certainties. There is no manner in which to avoid this. To go forward you must face & look closely at a black spot, a blight, inside yourself.

It takes more than a little courage.
It takes the absolute desire to have a better life.

A life previously only seen in your dreams.

We cannot gaze hopefully at another survivor’s success for answers.
We cannot find it in appropriate medication. ***

It can only be achieved by confronting and challenging
what causes the blackness.

FARK!!!!!!

I don’t think I want to be that brave this time.
It’s exhausting.

Dammit all – I wish I didn’t know that it’s worth the torture.

FARK!!!

*** – I believe strongly that most people who suffer from depression require chemical assistance in the form of medically prescribed anti-depressants. I DO NOT believe that alcohol and other chemical compounds are helpful. I also do not believe that medication alone is the path to a cure for depression.

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3 responses »

    • Thanks Amanda. I don’t see ‘amazing’ like you do, but as always I appreciate the support. What do you do for yourself when do when you become ‘lost without a GPS’?

      • You know I have always felt a little lost and like I don’t quite belong anywhere but it seems to be a stronger feeling as I get older. I try and either immerse myself in something productive like creating, ride the wave out, work on changing my state by chipping away at what I can do and sometimes I just put one foot in front of the other until the darkness starts to go away. I think sometimes it also comes from the pressure of society because so many people by our age seem to have it all figured out and have their happily ever after (not that they are without their own issues and hardships). I really don’t have all the answers I just muddle through as best I can and try and keep a sense of humour about it all.
        I see Amazing Pia because of your courage in so honestly sharing your struggles and saying what you think. Because of your love and compassion and also because no matter how much life beats you down you are still standing. You are still here and you are still muddling through. It may not be all you hoped and dreamed but your still here and you are AMAZING! You are also like me in that you don’t really like to burden others with what you are going through. I am good at keeping how I am feeling when at my worst to myself and I think sometimes we forget that we have other people who love and care for us. Lots of squishy hugs.

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