I sometimes feel,
that when I am in the midst of assessing and dealing with my depression,
that I am a soul lost and looking for a map.
A specific item that will help me navigate out of the darkness that I am ensconced in.
Am I the only one?
It’s not just the random feeling of being bewildered and disoriented,
it’s actually the need to GET somewhere.
Somewhere you are meant to be,
but can’t locate.
And I suspect that this map comes at a painful cost.
And it’s not reality.
I believe that one of the ultimate challenges for those who suffer from depression, is knowing that to become well you must face agonizing truths and certainties. There is no manner in which to avoid this. To go forward you must face & look closely at a black spot, a blight, inside yourself.
It takes more than a little courage.
It takes the absolute desire to have a better life.
A life previously only seen in your dreams.
We cannot gaze hopefully at another survivor’s success for answers.
We cannot find it in appropriate medication. ***
It can only be achieved by confronting and challenging
what causes the blackness.
I don’t think I want to be that brave this time.
Dammit all – I wish I didn’t know that it’s worth the torture.
*** – I believe strongly that most people who suffer from depression require chemical assistance in the form of medically prescribed anti-depressants. I DO NOT believe that alcohol and other chemical compounds are helpful. I also do not believe that medication alone is the path to a cure for depression.