Thick Blue Paint

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I am sinking in a large concrete pool,
filled with irridescent royal blue paint.
My head is about to go under.

I feel calm,
and just wait for the end.

…………………………

Do I say it here?
Do I take the risk of exposing more hurt?

Will it help me?

…………………………

I wish my Mum wasn’t an alcoholic.

I wish S1 wasn’t un-treated bipolar.

I wish S2 wasn’t a narcissist.

I wish F hadn’t judged me so harshly.

I wish I had had a mentor, an aunt, a cousin, a grandmother or godmother.
Someone who could have guided me.

I wish I didn’t have to be the parent when I was 10.

I wish I didn’t have depression.

I wish wasn’t paying for tyres before I even had my license.

I wish I wasn’t sexist.

I wish I wasn’t lonely.

I wish I wasn’t always wrong.

I wish I didn’t care!

……………….

“I wish jellyfish”

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