n. Rest or quietness of the mind in one’s present condition



I had another little epiphany the other morning on the Autistic Bus.

I cannot be content.

Because I am passionate and creative, I am always looking at how something can be different.
Gardens, houses, clothes, makeup,
paintings, shop windows, interior design, craft, design, roads, countryside.

This makes for constant desire for change
– which is the opposite of acceptance –
which in my understanding is essential for contentment.

Underscoring all of this, is my childhood.
A childhood where I had to become the sole parent at 10.
Decision making, discipline, housework and then later budgeting.

This may explain why I have such a afinity for dogs.
A longing to emulate them.
To BE like a dog.
No matter what their status, a dog will always find contentment.

A warm spot in the sun.
Rags to curl up in.
Something smelly to roll in.
Something to eat or lick.
They’re just happy.

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Confusingly – the more I assess what Contentment is, the more I find that I am Contentment personified.

* I often look up at clouds and smile at the whimsy or beauty of them
* I often sit or lie with my dogs on the floor and  cuddle
* I sit and stare at the changing landscape, week to week, from the window of the Autistic Bus
* I hold hands with a seven year old autistic boy and just smile with him
* I sigh with happiness when I see a beautiful flower in bloom
* I stop and watch if I see a bird of prey circling in the sky
* I have such pure pleasure when I see my dogs run on the beach on a winter’s day

But . . . . . . . . .

I am not content.
How do I learn
to just accept rather than constantly feel the need to improve?



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