List Girl

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I don’t look this good after exercise BTW

I have, in the past week or so, ‘pulled’ my punches.

When you have depression, you eventually become aware that preservation and sanity necessitates censorship.

Simply put – you are not always forthright about how ‘low’ you are feeling
as it triggers fear and worry in those around you who care.
This then generates a ‘need’ you must fill.
More energy you must expend.

And realistically, you barely have the energy to get up each morning.

So this tends to encourage you to fasten your mask tighter.  Which is fine! That’s one of our coping mechanisms.

However.

This blog is about me. It is for me.
It is my soul finally having a voice.

It is where I blurt!

So if I have to censor my thoughts here, I’m basically screwed.

. . . . .

Which brings me to my lists.

I have always, my whole life, written lists.
They give me focus, help me keep calm, show me success, guide me.

When I am in the middle of a bout of depression
I always forget to write lists.
I get caught up in ‘coping’ and often forget that my lists are a great technique for my condition.

So at the moment, I am trying to write lists. Everywhere.

It helps that I have my SMASH Journal, as it is giving me so much opportunity to ‘be me’.

I’ve had these sorts of journals twice in my lifetime before now.
One when I was an older teen,
and also when I travelled.

I still have them!

So right now, I am righting lists.
And I am using them to create a stronger and more resilient, Pia.

Truly – it’s on my list!

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